On Thursday November 10th, 2011 I got a text from my mother here in Haiti asking me to call her. I immediately knew something was wrong but had no clue what it was. When I called her she told me that my father had died. While we were on the phone I didn’t know what to think and was in total shock until I got off the phone. And then it hit me that I didn’t have a father anymore. Even though we were not close he was still my father and I loved and cared about him.
Over the next few days I had a lot of ups and downs with my emotions but still pushing through and doing ministry. In my mind there was no way to get home for the funeral so I just put it out of my mind as an option. I though of the verse in the bible which said let the dead bury the dead (Luke 9:60) and that was what God wanted me to do. But then Saturday as I was talking to Ryan he asked me if I was going to go home for the funeral. I told him it was not going to possible because they thought the funeral would be on Sunday which was the next day and I didn’t have the finances to get there. Ryan told me don’t worry about the money God would provide that and just to find out when the funeral was going to be.
Thirty minutes later I found out due to some circumstances the funeral would not be until Tuesday. I told Ryan and he said let me work on this and see what we can do. Ryan sent out an email and within an hour later plans were in motion to get me home. The biggest obstacle was to figure out the travel details but when God is in control it really is not as big as we think it is. Ryan and a few others from the states worked on it all day and we finally had everything figured out by 11pm that night. I was going home.
Now at this point I began to have many different emotions knowing I was going to have to face this head on. It was easier to deal with when I thought there was no chance I was going to make it home. I think God sent me home so there would be closure and so I wouldnt have any regrets with not going and staying in Haiti.
It took me two and a half days to get to Michigan and when I did I had only two hours till I had to be at the viewing and I still needed to go buy something to wear because I didn't have anything with me in Haiti to wear at a funeral. While I was at the funeral even though I saw my father in a casket it didn't feel real. It was almost like I was dreaming. During my time home I felt emotionless most of the time when it came to talking about or thinking about my father. I felt heartless and thought something must be wrong with me.
As I started back to Haiti I was excited to get back and see the children and continue with what God called me out here to do. But when I got back things were not as easy as I thought. There have been a lot of ups and downs with my emotions and coming to the realization that he really did die and I will never see him again.
Through this time here in Haiti God has reminded me that in India last december he told me He wanted to show me who he is as a father. Seeing God as a father has always been hard because I have compared God as Father with my earthly father who was nothing like God. There was always fear that I would get hurt if I allowed God to be my father because that is all I ever knew.
The Sunday before I found out that my father died I was planning on going to church with my my friend but he left early without me. It was raining out and he had the chance to get a ride so he took it without letting me know so he would not be totally wet when he preached that morning. It hurt me more than it should have and I didn't understand it at all so I went and spent time with God asking why I was so hurt by it. When I asked I thought about my earthly father and how growing up I had felt abandoned by him a lot. He would say we would go somewhere together and then it never happened. And he would only call around Christmas and my B-day to see me even though growing up we never lived more the ten miles apart. Then I asked God why I though about my father at this point and at that moment I though about the second half of the verse in Hebrews 13:5 which says “I will never leave you or foresake you”.
I see how that Sunday God was preparing me for that week when I would find out that my father had died. I thank God that He loves me so much that He reminded me of that verse just days before.
I know there are a lot of us who have people or family in our lives that don't know the Lord or there could be issuse you need to take care of with someone. I encourage you not to wait any longer. Reach out and show them the love you desire to receive from others. When you do this I pray that you will do it out of love not just obligation and in doing this I also pray that you dont expect anything back because the other person quite possibly might not be ready to receive the love you give. In doing this you will have no regrets with that person if they die. For we do not know what the future holds but we can know who holds the future. Lets take it one day at a time and love others because we dont know if tommorrow will come (Matthew 6:24). Don't put it off one more day, let's listen and step out in faith today.
Just this week my roommate shared a verse with me that I believe will contine to be a comfort to me for quite some time and I pray that it does the same for you.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope bye the power of the Holy Spirit.
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